Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
