apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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