She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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