I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
