I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
