dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
