happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
