At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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