When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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