I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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