I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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