i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
