No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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