just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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