yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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