if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
