Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
