I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
