So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
