remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
