not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
