i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sext me about skeletons
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
