Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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