for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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