i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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