I'm gonna have a badass scar
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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