Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
