chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
