He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
