never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
