Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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