she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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