Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
