I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
