I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
