sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
