watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
