Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
