gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
