you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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