she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
