At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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