she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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