He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
