Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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