Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
