I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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