Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
