I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
