Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
