i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Congratulations! We have a period
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
