I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
even my farts smell like vagina
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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