Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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