Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
