And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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