Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
