I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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